The #metoo movement has resulted in the ousting of a large number of big-name men from Hollywood and other high profile spaces (the list is compiled neatly here by the NYT). But it seems as though the conversation has culminated in the ultimate conclusion that men are the problem. The entire discourse has to do with men. Who is guilty and of what, are they really guilty, did they understand what they were doing, how sincere the apology was, and of course, whether or not we should hurry up and forgive them. Perhaps, cis-men are more guilty of perpetuating rape culture than others, however, I would argue that the conversation needs to be about our understanding of consent rather than focusing exclusively on the actions of cis-men. Consent is for everyone and for every kind of relationship, and it is a myth that cis-men are the only perpetrators of violence. One of the few women named as a perpetrator during the #metoo moment is pop singer Melanie Martinez. Martinez first rose to stardom after competing on the television program The Voice and has since gone platinum with her album Cry Baby. Interestingly enough, in Cry Baby song “Tag, You’re It” Martinez engages with common tropes of rape and pedophilia, though through innuendo. I’ll spare you the song in its entirety, however it opens in a dialog between a young girl and her soon-to-be attacker, ‘Looking at me through your window/ Boy, you had your eye out for a little/ ‘I'll cut you up and make you dinner/ You've reached the end, you are the winner.’”
Martinez was accused by former friend Timothy Heller on Twitter on December 4, 2017. Despite coming forward with her story in the midst of #metoo and the changing conversation surrounding sexual violence, the majority of the replies accuse Heller of lying. Twitter user @l3nny_madie replied, “why don't you go with evidences to the justice? why do you posted it in a social red? no body has evidences 'bout this. If you say this is true, you can go and sue her, but you don't do that, so i can't believe you (and a lot of people).” Another user, @IzbellaIsabella wrote, “I don't think Melanie Martinez would do such thing to be honest.” Yet another, @Bohorlar202 said this, “Whether it is true or not. Both of them are at fault. I love melanie a lot but it is foolish to start to stop listening to her music cause of that. Melanie may have done it which is bad of her but that doesn't mean she is evil and you shouldn't have posted her name.” Though Heller did receive some support after coming forward, this story received far less media attention than many of the other's associated with #metoo. Perhaps because Heller’s story didn’t quite fit the narrative of #metoo as we’ve imagined it. Martinez and Heller were equals, they were close friends, and of course, Martinez is not a man. As Lori B. Girshick writes in her essay “I Couldn’t Believe A Woman Did This To Me” in the context of violence between same-sex monogamous partners, “If I substituted the pronoun he for she in the stories that follow, I am certain every reader would feel the story was about marital sex abuse.” If Martinez were a man, Heller would have received a very different response.
In an article published by Scientific American, researchers Lara Stemple and Ilan H. Meyer analyze data regarding female perpetrators of violence. They write, "We also pooled four years of the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) data and found that 35 percent of male victims who experienced rape or sexual assault reported at least one female perpetrator. Among those who were raped or sexually assaulted by a woman, 58 percent of male victims and 41 percent of female victims reported that the incident involved a violent attack, meaning the female perpetrator hit, knocked down or otherwise attacked the victim, many of whom reported injuries." Though we have science, and now, a public narrative of the abuse women can inflict upon each other, the #metoo conversation has yet to acknowledge this kind of violence in a meaningful way. It is critical to acknowledge and check the kind of behavior that men often get away with, but that cannot be our only concern.
It could be argued that #metoo exists for women as a way in which they can push back against the patriarchy. After all, the volume of women coming forward has been a source of empowerment for many others who have experienced harassment and other forms of violence. And yet, that can't be the only conversation. Until we are believing all survivors, no matter the gender of the perpetrator, then there is a problem.
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