As a reformed Woke White Person™, I have some news for the rest of y’all, something that was super difficult for me to swallow for a long time: you’re part of the problem. If you have ever uttered any variance of the following phrases: “I’m on your side!,” “I’m just trying to help!,” or “Ugh...white people. Am I right?” you are doing allyship wrong. Listen, I know you’re passionate (I am too) and it’s great that you want to take a stand against systematic oppression and discrimination (as do I), but by being a Woke White Person™, you are probably doing the opposite of helping. In fact, you’re most likely engaging performative allyship, which you should cease doing immediately.
According to Merriam-Webster, an ally is “a person or group who gives help to another person or group.” The key phrase here is “gives help,” a phrase that implies an expenditure of effort or the performance of some kind of labor, whether emotional or physical. This is exactly what allyship should look like: an ally should make a concerted effort to lessen the labor performed by the group they are trying to support. Unfortunately, allyship in 2018 usually takes the form of slapping a hashtag on the end of a “woke” Tweet or applying a temporary filter to one’s Facebook profile picture. In these cases, no real labor is involved and no real effort is made. This kind of allyship is superficial, fleeting, and performative.
In other words, to quote Bo Brown, a prison abolitionist and trans-rights advocate, “If you don’t do the work then you don’t get the say” (Gossett, 2011). Let me clarify: “do[ing] the work” does not necessarily mean that you have to be in the streets actively protesting no do you have to donate thousands of dollars to organizations like the ACLU. “Do[ing] the work” can mean something as simple as actively listening and educating yourself on the matters and issues that you supposedly really really really care about.
However, despite how simple it sounds in theory, this is where most performative allies have the most trouble (my former self included). Educating yourself is a lot more nuanced and complex than simply scrolling through your Twitter feed and reading the occasional thinkpiece. You gotta do more. Education involves critical thinking, looking at an issue multiple perspectives, and having difficult conversations with yourself and others. Further, prioritize finding sources that are actually written by those who actually have experienced what they are writing or speaking about. This can take some digging. It is an involved process. Again, it requires labor. Oh, and one more thing: this is uniquely your job. No one is obligated to explain or breakdown anything for you. Come to the table with something prepared.
Further, as an ally, your primary role should be as a listener instead of a speaker or a participant. In other words, this isn’t about you. Your job is to truly, sincerely listen to those who you would like to support. Allyship is not about proving how much you know. Allyship is not about validation; no one owes you a thank you, a pat on the back, or a gold star for your “efforts.” Allyship is about understanding when to speak up (like when your racist uncle is making shitty comments at the dinner table) and when to listen up (again, this should be your default setting as an ally). Not every conversation or debate requires your personal insight.
To clarify: there is no such thing as a “perfect” ally. Allyship is a working process which requires near-constant self-monitoring and correction if it is to be done responsibly. While some may argue that there is no right or wrong way to be an ally, they miss they point: criteria for allyship are not decided by the allies themselves, but rather the group they are trying to support. In other words, you do not get to self-identify as an ally, you need to be seen as an ally. It is a title to be earned through labor, not one to be self-bestowed.
Ultimately, most marginalized groups would probably love your support, help, and labor if you carry them out the right way. You gotta change their minds. They are tired of seeing performative allies. If you want to be a true ally, try harder.
Works Cited
Gossett, C. (2011). Abolitionist Imaginings: A Conversation with Bo Brown, Reina Gossett, and Dylan Rodríguez. In E. A. Stanley & N. Smith (Eds.) Captive Genders: Trans Embodiment and the Prison Industrial Complex (323-342). Oakland, CA: AK Press.
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