I worked
at a Wendy’s during a year at college that had a sexual harassment problem. It
was mostly between crew members rather than managers. Unfortunately, the
managers took the issue very lightly. I myself was a victim of harassment by a
female co-worker who repeatedly made vulgar comments to me, touched me in unwanted
ways, and talked behind my back. As terrible as it sounds, I didn’t have it the
worst, so I tried to be professional and just ignore the harassment. This
tactic left me feeling increasing anxious and depressed when our shifts
overlapped. And she not only continued to harassment but turned it up a notch
with each work day.
In light of the recent criticism of the #MeToo movement by people such as Daphne Merkin of the New YorkTimes, actress Catherine Deneuve, and Cathy Young at the Los Angeles Times, I think about the experience I had and the experience my fellow harassed co-workers had. Worries that the recent reckoning will lead to the end of office romance, flirting, dating, and love make me ask: “Is this the workplace flirting they’re trying to defend?” Admittedly, my case is unique. I was a closeted trans woman being harassed by a female co-working, a departure from the traditional narrative of the man (who is generally higher up in the hierarchy) harassing the woman. But that doesn’t change the fact that I felt invaded and harassed to the point of mental breakdown, and now I'm being told that it's my fault cause I just don't get flirting. It reminds of the idiotic theory that kids that are mean to each other secretly like one another.
In light of the recent criticism of the #MeToo movement by people such as Daphne Merkin of the New YorkTimes, actress Catherine Deneuve, and Cathy Young at the Los Angeles Times, I think about the experience I had and the experience my fellow harassed co-workers had. Worries that the recent reckoning will lead to the end of office romance, flirting, dating, and love make me ask: “Is this the workplace flirting they’re trying to defend?” Admittedly, my case is unique. I was a closeted trans woman being harassed by a female co-working, a departure from the traditional narrative of the man (who is generally higher up in the hierarchy) harassing the woman. But that doesn’t change the fact that I felt invaded and harassed to the point of mental breakdown, and now I'm being told that it's my fault cause I just don't get flirting. It reminds of the idiotic theory that kids that are mean to each other secretly like one another.
Harassment
is not flirting. The #MeToo movement is not about destroying the office dating
scene or romance as whole. As Vox journalist Laura McGann puts it, “I don’t see this uprising of 22-year-old women saying, ‘I want the right to sleep with my boss.’” The
criticisms to the #MeToo strike me as protecting gluttony of harassers’ desires
rather than any nuanced critique. Really all it does is make me realize how
little we know about love and harassment. I never would have considered the two
to be different sides of the same coin. Instead, I always considered them
opposites, incompatible with each other.
And it’s not like many of the harassers being outed by the #MeToo movement are being held responsible. Instead, many victims of harassment are being punished. One of Roy Moore’s accusers had her house burnt to the ground. The name of the woman who created the Shitty Media Men list was on the brink of being published by Harper’s magazine before a feminist campaign stopped it. My own harasser was never punished. And I was in no position to give up the hours I was given to avoid her. The more serious victims of my co-workers never found justice either. Instead, they either had their hours cut, walked out, or continued to face abuse.
My harasser often read excerpts from Fifty Shades of Gray to me while I tried to work. Much like that work, we seem too often to confuse harassment with love. Of course, the success of that book and its movies show that many, many people are confused on how to tell the two apart. And it’s frustrating seeing feminists, like the feminists that tried to dispel the misconceptions Fifty Shades of Gray had about the BDSM community, fall into the same false consciousness. Equating harassment with love gives the abusers the power. It tells people that people who serially hurt them do it because they love them. It helps justify not only sexual harassment, but domestic abuse and emotional abuse. We’re not trying to kill your love life.
And it’s not like many of the harassers being outed by the #MeToo movement are being held responsible. Instead, many victims of harassment are being punished. One of Roy Moore’s accusers had her house burnt to the ground. The name of the woman who created the Shitty Media Men list was on the brink of being published by Harper’s magazine before a feminist campaign stopped it. My own harasser was never punished. And I was in no position to give up the hours I was given to avoid her. The more serious victims of my co-workers never found justice either. Instead, they either had their hours cut, walked out, or continued to face abuse.
My harasser often read excerpts from Fifty Shades of Gray to me while I tried to work. Much like that work, we seem too often to confuse harassment with love. Of course, the success of that book and its movies show that many, many people are confused on how to tell the two apart. And it’s frustrating seeing feminists, like the feminists that tried to dispel the misconceptions Fifty Shades of Gray had about the BDSM community, fall into the same false consciousness. Equating harassment with love gives the abusers the power. It tells people that people who serially hurt them do it because they love them. It helps justify not only sexual harassment, but domestic abuse and emotional abuse. We’re not trying to kill your love life.
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