Abuse is not sexy.

Kennedy Gartner

Abuse is Not Sexy

Fifty Shades of Freed - the third installment of the movies, has just recently hit the theaters and fans are buzzing over it. At one point I was a 16 year old girl who really enjoyed these books, I saw nothing wrong with anything the book illustrated. I was a big fan until I began to mature and see relationships like the Christian-Anna duo be resembled in my own relationship. I realized then dating a Christian Grey is not love, nor sexy and definitely not healthy.  Fifty Shades has skyrocketed both in book stores and in theaters for it's risky, luxurious and alluring portrayal in commercials and language. The message this franchise projects isn't safe or healthy for anyone but especially the (sadly) teenage - young adult audience it attracts. Fifty Shades embarks on numerous abusive, isolated, controlling factors. As someone who has seen all the movies and read all the books I can strongly say that this is not a healthy relationship and it should never be considered "sexy".

In the books (as well as movies) Anna (the main character) is seen as a thin white female graduating college and pursuing her career. She appears soft, porcelain like, pure (as her virginity status says), and submissive. This draws Christian Grey, a multi-billionaire with serious mother issues and a very dark past of abuse he has endured from a young age. The background the film gives you of Mr. Grey's childhood is intended to make the audience (and Anna) feel empathetic for him, as if his present behavior is excused by his past learned behavior.

Grey stalks Anna in the beginning, showing up at her work unannounced (when they hardly knew each other), forcing her to eat - even when she didn't want to, he saves her on multiple occasions from near death accidents throughout all three films, he refuses to let her go on work related business trips without him, and tells her she better go home right after work.  He has his security team print and entire book worth of her personal life - including bank statements, weight (oh he makes her workout too), and allergies. Of course, this is all justified as him loving and protecting her. Not wanting his love to get hurt by anyone else, because only he can hurt her. Grey gets off hitting and battering women that look like his mother. Does that sound Oedipus-like to you?

Isolation and Intimidation are key factors in this film/book phase as well as abusive relationships. Grey uses isolation in his non-disclosure agreement (he makes all of his submissive sign this, full of details of what he will do sexually) stating that Anna cannot talk about any form their relationship to anyone. When in reality everyone has the right to discuss their partnership - with as much or as little detail as they choose. Deciding for your partner instead of asking is secluding them from their other important relationships. Christian wants Anna to rely on him for everything, no matter if it's happiness, money, sex, etc. He also uses intimidation to attempt to form the perfect submissive - when Anna refuses to follow his rules he threatens to spank her, he leads her by her arm or forcibly picks her up and carries her when she rejects him. This control is not love. No one should ever fear their partner, or feel as though they always need to abide by them.

This series romanticizes toxic relationships, no one should look up to Christian and Anna and think this a correct portrayal of a happy, healthy couple. Possessiveness is never cute, sexy, or fun. Controlling and manipulating your partner is not what an equal partnership is made of. The film and book is full of questionable sex scenes that border abuse (like spanking her until she cries), but also shadow a lot of emotional/mental abuse. Our society doesn't treat mental and emotional abuse as fairly as physical but we must acknowledge that control over another person is not sexy. We should be teaching our youth (and for those of us who missed the lessons of healthy relationships) that listening, caring, taking care of yourself, consent, and equal partnership is sexy.

I can understand the hype around the whole series, it's meant to be sexy and freeing but the underlying messages don't resemble this. I'm afraid that normalizing these behaviors will establish a generation that thinks it's okay to be controlled, or intimidated into a relationship - and possibly carry on this as learned behavior. It's one thing to watch or read Fifty Shades of Grey, it's another thing to become it.

(I wrote about this because we talked about how mental and emotional abuse can be really damaging - especially to youth. We also talked about how emotional abuse and aspects like harassment aren't taken as seriously as physical abuse or rape. The mental part of abuse in any form is rarely considered  or really taken seriously comparing it to more serious crimes. As I get older it seems as though kids who are 14 are acting 18, they want to see Fifty Shades and already know it's plot line (example my 16 year old self that didn't even know BDSM was an actual thing). If kids are going to watch these types of movies it's important for them to know the difference between reality and fiction. These fictional relationships shouldn't cross over into real life. Abuse is never pretty and it's never love.)

                                                                    Works Cited

1.      Alaloul, Nadine. “The ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Series Romanticizes Toxic Relationships.” Her Campus, 2017, www.hercampus.com/school/western-ontario/fifty-shades-grey-series-romanticizes-toxic-relationships.
2.      Bersaglio, About Lauren. “50 Shades of Abuse: 10 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships a La Christian Grey.” Everyday Feminism, 27 Feb. 2015, everydayfeminism.com/2015/03/50-shades-of-abuse-10-signs-of-unhealthy-relationships-a-la-christian-grey/.
3.      Madden, Shauna. “50 Shades of Abuse.” Wordpress.com, 2015, hips.hearstapps.com/cosmouk.cdnds.net/15/07/768x384/landscape_nrm_1423756514-50shades_elitedaily1-800x400.jpg?resize=768:*.